The WHY, WHEN and HOW to Talk to Your Partner About Money
No matter how you choose to manage your money as a couple, you need to be talking about it. It might be difficult at first if you’ve never had regular money conversations, but it will get easier as you get into a rhythm and figure out what works for you both.
WHY
You need to be talking about money with your partner, because NOT talking about it will add stress and tension to your relationship. You’ve heard that money is one of the leading causes of divorce and separation and it is true! I won’t bore you with quoting statistics, but you know money can be touchy and by talking about it regularly vs only ‘talking’ about it when you have a difference of opinion will make your life easier.
Regular money conversations or Money Dates will allow you to get out in front of issues so that they don’t blow up and become yelling matches.
WHEN
The frequency could be as often as weekly but if you are new to chatting about money, I recommend starting with a monthly chat. Starting with less often will help you get comfortable with these new conversations. The key is to find a time and frequency that works for you. I highly recommend adding a phone reminder or an event in your calendars to help you remember to actually have the Money Date!
Another easy way to remember is to pair it up with something else you are already doing on a regular basis. Going for weekly? Maybe it gets added to your Sunday afternoon planning for the week or your Friday night date night. Try something to see how it works and if it doesn’t, try something else!
Don’t give up if they feel awkward at first. Remember, this is something new you are starting, so it is going to feel a little uncomfortable when you start. Figuring out how you can make it feel easier by being in a comfortable place and maybe over a beverage or meal you love.
HOW
You’re heading into your first Money Date and you have ZERO clue where to start and what to talk about. To help with the how, here are a list of questions that you can use to get the conversation flowing:
What worked well for us financially, last week/month?
What area(s) from the last week/month do we want to improve upon?
What expense(s) are coming up that we need to start planning for? Think about items like annual subscriptions or insurance premiums.
Are there any changes to our incomes coming up? If it is an increase or bonus, talk about how the additional income will be used. If it is a decrease, talk about how you will manage it.
Are there any area(s) of your spending that you want to make the focus on for the upcoming week or month? One area that my clients frequently identify as an area they can improve upon is food spending.
This may be a little further down the road, but you could start adding this in at your earlier Money Dates too! Starting the conversation about your financial goals, may be something you have done but with less intention. Setting goals for your money and the things you want to be able to achieve with it will help you make decisions about where money from income increases go in the future. If you aren’t sure where to start with goal setting, this was my focus for my January Blogs, so feel free to go check them out.
4 Reasons Goal Setting Will Change Your Life
5 Steps to Stay Focused on Your Goals
The most important thing to remember when it comes to starting to have money conversations with your partner is that they need to be judgement free zones. Come into the planned time with an open mind so that you can come together to either make sure you are already on the same page, or slowly start working to get on the same page. Focus on being consistent and you will be adding in money conversations to your day to day with a much better attitude in no time!
-Sherry
