How You Can Ditch Financial Shame
If you feel a wave of shame any time you think about your financial past or even where you are now, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve racked up debt chasing shiny new ideas, forgotten to pay bills on time (hello, late fees), or made impulse purchases that felt great in the moment but left your bank account hurting. Whatever the reason, that shame can be a heavy weight to carry.
For those of us with ADHD, our financial past can feel even more overwhelming. Impulsivity, time blindness, and difficulty sticking to plans can lead to decisions that we later regret. And if you’re an entrepreneur with ADHD, the stakes can feel even higher when your money mistakes impact your business (hello tax bills)!
But here’s the thing: you’re human, and being human means making mistakes. Even as an experienced financial coach, I still make money mistakes to this very day! It’s a constant work in progress for everyone. The thing to focus on is that you can move forward and work to make shifts with your money.
The first step is learning to forgive yourself for those past financial slip-ups.
Why Forgiveness Matters
Carrying shame about past money mistakes keeps you stuck. It’s like dragging around a bag of bricks while trying to climb a mountain. That shame affects your confidence, your decision-making, and your ability to create a healthy relationship with money moving forward.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean excusing bad decisions. It means acknowledging that you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time and deciding to grow from the experience. Forgiveness frees up the emotional energy you need to make positive changes.
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings
Before you can forgive yourself, you need to confront what you’re feeling. Maybe it’s guilt for maxing out your credit card or embarrassment about unpaid taxes. Sit with those emotions for a moment.
Wriiting them down can be a big help. Something like:
I feel ashamed about going into debt for things I didn’t need.
I feel angry at myself for not tracking my business expenses better.
It’s okay to feel all of this—it means you care. But holding onto those feelings isn’t helpful. The goal here is to name them so they don’t hold power over you anymore.
Step 2: Reframe Your Past
Think about your past money decisions through the lens of compassion. Most likely, those decisions weren’t made out of malice or laziness. Maybe you were overwhelmed, distracted, or simply didn’t have the knowledge or resources you needed at the time.
For example:
Did you overspend because you were chasing dopamine to manage ADHD symptoms?
Did you forget to save for taxes because time blindness made it hard to think about future consequences?
Did your business have cash flow issues because you didn’t have a system in place to manage it?
This isn’t about making excuses; it’s about understanding the why behind your actions so you can approach them with empathy instead of judgment.
Step 3: Challenge Negative Self-Talk
If you’re carrying shame, chances are the voice in your head is a pretty big asshole! Thoughts like “I’m terrible with money” or “I’ll never be successful” are probably on repeat.
The Truth: you are not defined by your mistakes. Money management is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and improved. ADHD might make it harder, but it doesn’t make it impossible. And finding what works for you isn’t easy.
When negative thoughts pop up, challenge them with facts. For instance:
Negative thought: “I’m so irresponsible for forgetting to pay my bills.”
Fact: “I struggle with time blindness, but I’m learning tools to help me stay on top of my bills.”
It might feel silly at first, but reframing those thoughts can help shift your mindset over time and also help you identify areas that you want to improve.
Step 4: Learn from the Experience
Every mistake is an opportunity to learn. If you made a financial decision you regret, ask yourself:
What led to that decision?
What was I feeling?
What can I do differently in the future?
Are there tools or systems I can put in place to help me?
For example, if impulsive spending has been an issue, you might try using a separate bank account for impulse spending (because trying to cut it out all together is not the path to long-term success) or setting up a 24-hour rule before making non-essential purchases.
If forgetting deadlines is your struggle, maybe you need automated systems or reminders to help you stay on track.
The goal here isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Small changes add up.
Step 5: Take Action (Even Small Ones)
One of the best ways to let go of shame is to take action. It doesn’t have to be a huge leap—small steps are still steps forward.
Here are some ideas:
Create a simple budget or cash flow plan for your business.
Set up a recurring reminder to check your bank account every week.
Start a conversation with a friend, a financial coach (oh hey there 👋) or trusted advisor to get support.
Taking action helps you prove to yourself that you’re capable of change, which builds confidence over time.
Step 6: Celebrate Your Wins
If you have ADHD, chances are you’re great at noticing what went wrong but completely $hit at celebrating what went right. Give yourself credit for every win, no matter how small it feels.
Paid a bill on time? High five.
Stuck to your budget for a week? That’s awesome.
Took five minutes to review your expenses? You’re killing it.
Celebrating your wins reinforces positive behaviour and helps you build momentum.
Step 7: Let Go of Perfection
Perfectionism can be a sneaky form of self-sabotage. If you’re waiting for the day when your finances are 100% “fixed,” you’ll be waiting forever (believe me,I’ve tried)!
The goal isn’t to be perfect with money—it’s to be intentional. Some months, you’ll nail it, and other months, you’ll make mistakes. That’s life. The key is to keep showing up and trying again.
Step 8: Surround Yourself with Support
Forgiving yourself is easier when you’re not doing it alone. Find people who understand what you’re going through and can cheer you on. Shame and fear grow in the dark and having someone to talk to can help you in so many ways.
If you don’t have anyone in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about your money, I encourage you to look for a community or professional that you can talk openly to. Maybe it's someone like me (a financial coach focused on helping ADHDers), but it could also be a therapist or even a community of ADHD entrepreneurs who will get it. Having a support system can make all the difference. Remember, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to work through your feelings or making changes with your money on your own. If you’d like to connect I offer free consultations so we can get a feel if we are a good fit to work together.
Step 9: Remember Your Why
Why do you want to improve your relationship with money? Is it to build a thriving business? To provide stability for your family? To feel less stressed and more in control?
Keep that “why” front and center. Remind yourself of the bigger picture whenever shame tries to pull you back.
Step 10: Practice Self-Compassion
Above all, be kind to yourself. ADHD can make money management challenging, but you’re here, reading this, which means you care. You’re doing the work, and that’s something to be proud of.
Forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done thing—it’s a daily practice. Some days it will feel easier than others, and that’s okay. Keep showing up for yourself, and know that you’re worth the effort.
Your past doesn’t define your future. Your money mistakes are just chapters in your story, not the whole book. By forgiving yourself, you’re giving yourself permission to write a new chapter—one where you feel empowered and capable of handling your finances, ADHD challenges and all.
Take it one step at a time.
